That Happened

You are cool if you get this reference.

Wow. Where to begin?

How about here:

There is a tradition in the Oregon Marching Band that whenever the game turns against us or it starts raining or a ref makes a bad call (in the Pac-10, of course, that’s every call) we yell, “Worst – game – eveeeeer!” Just about every game the marching band has gone to has been the worst game ever, and some games have been the worst ever multiple times over. We’ve won plenty of those games and lost some of them too. Sometimes we just brand a game as the worst ever because we’re bored. But believe me when I say:

It's really fun if you yell "FALCON PUNCH!" right when he hits the guy.

WORST. GAME. EVER.

For those of you who weren’t watching the game and aren’t friends with at least one Oregon student on Facebook, I’ll explain:

On Thursday, the University of Oregon played Boise State in Boise, where they apparently have a nearly undefeated record, due mostly to the fact that they’re an above-average team in a conference full of schools that aren’t necessarily known for athletic prowess, and in some cases aren’t even necessarily known. This was supposed to be a pretty huge game for everyone involved – it was Boise’s only real challenge of the season and would prove whether they had the Moxie necessary to win a BCS title, and it was the first game of Oregon’s highly anticipated season under a new coach.

I once compared college football to paganism on here, and then plagiarized myself so that I could do it again in the Daily Emerald, but in light of this game I’ve got to go back on what I said. College football is a lot more like Gangs of New York - mobs of drunk people in brightly colored clothes hating one another with a few brawls thrown in for good measure. There’s a game in there somewhere.

Going into this game, everybody was pissed. Literally everybody. Last year Boise State beat us at home, which was upsetting, and our team was eager to stick it to the Broncos and humiliate them on their home turf in front of a national television audience, crushing their BCS hopes. Oregon is the first ranked opponent Boise had ever played at home, so again, there was a lot riding on this. And everyone was pissed.

To say that Oregon played poorly in this game that had so much riding on it would be a real disgrace to the word “poorly.” We played beyond poorly. We played Washingtonly. There were all sorts of fouls and dropped catches and interceptions and just downright stupid things that shouldn’t have happened – and this is coming from the guy who doesn’t know what most positions do, the names of the plays, and the names of most of the players (in spite of the fact that they’re written on the jerseys). If you can shock a sports-luddite like me with bad playing, you’re definitely doing a bad job. It’s like showing a medieval peasant a video game and having him criticize the graphics.

We lost the game pretty badly due to severe sucking. But sucking is one thing. Being a bunch of dicks is another.

I think I’ve reached the necessary level of pretention to call in an Orwell reference, so here it is: In George Orwell’s 1984, which I totally read, a common part of the downtrodden citizens’ day is the Two Minutes’ Hate, wherein the government uses propaganda to whip the populace into a rage at their enemies and keep them loyal. As described in the book (which I’ve read), people get violently angry in the course of those two minutes.

This game was the three hours’ hate – and not just the good old fashioned “Fuck you, you’re from Idaho” stuff that we’re all used to. Oregon players scuffled with one another. Some of them talked down to or yelled at the new coach. And then, at the end of the game, our all-star running back LaGarette Blount punched one of his teammates, sucker punched a helmet-less Boise State player, tried to attack two Boise State fans, swung at the cops and security guards who came to restrain him, and was dragged screaming into the locker room.

It was probably a really awkward bus ride back to Eugene.

Sure, tensions were running high, everyone was angry, and he was provoked. But I’ve been provoked by assholes before and I never sucker punched them – primarily out of high moral fiber, and also because my punching skills leave a lot to be desired. And I’ve certainly never sucker punched somebody in front of the entire country. While representing my school. Which spends hundreds of millions on marketing itself as legitimate and trustworthy.

What I’m drawing from this is that the University of Oregon was spending big money on a scholarship for a guy who the entire nation now knows as Captain Angrypants. That’s close to $80,000 for his out of state tuition. But that’s fine – when they first gave him the scholarship, nobody knew he was a ticking time bomb of fury. But now they know the truth, so that’s bound to shake things up, right?

The school has suspended Blount for the entire season – and this is his senior year, mind you – and sources close to the NFL have already dubbed Blount “undraftable.” It’s funny how you can spend a few hours playing some really terrible football but then derail your entire career in the course of about a minute and a half; funny in the self loathing, broken dreams, increased potential for alcoholism kind of way.

However, the University will continue to give Blount his athletic scholarship, even though the most athletic thing he’s going to be doing is showing up to practice and watching games from the sidelines. This strikes me as a monumental misappropriation of funds – I show up to every football game, that ought to entitle me to at least half as much as he gets.

The idea, I suppose, is to give Blount an opportunity to pursue his education as some sort of attempted redemption for what he’s done – after all, the chances of him getting paid to play football are pretty much nonexistent at this point unless they reinstate the XFL, so he may as well really focus on his political science degree. I’m in no place to judge whether Blount is genuinely devoted to his studies or just sees them as a minor distraction between practices – more than one Oregon player has gone on to become a lawyer, but there are also quite a few used car salesmen.

I just think it’s unfair that Blount still gets to attend the University of Oregon for free while in stark violation of the Student Conduct Code, which gives the University the right to exercise disciplinary action over incidents that involve physical abuse (to say nothing of incidences of physical abuse that take place at official athletic events being broadcast to the entire country). The Student Conduct Code states that for infractions such as this, the University may impose a wide variety of sanctions such as disciplinary probation, suspension, or expulsion. Blount has received his punishment from the athletic department, but he’s a student as well – is the academic end of the University going to do anything about the fact that one of their students sucker punched somebody?

I’m not out to nail Blount to the wall. I just think that if there are any students who ought to be held accountable for their actions, it’s the ones who wear Oregon’s colors and represent us on a national stage.

Truman Capps hopes LeGarrette Blount doesn’t read this and come a-punchin’.