Hair Guy Love Europe, Part 3
Part 3: Transparency
I’ve always enjoyed American history because it’s basically a super long, incredibly violent movie that was filmed in my own backyard. I recognize a lot of the big stars from their other appearances, namely on money. Before big disasters like the Great Depression, you can even chide America for being naïve and stupid, just like the half naked girl in any given horror movie.
“No! Don’t go in there! At least turn on the lights! Okay, you know what? You deserve 25% unemployment, you stupid bitch.”
European history, on the other hand, is like watching a Japanese horror movie – it’s way more violent and involves a fair amount of incest. For that reason, along with the fact that I opted to be a library aide senior year instead of taking AP European History, I’m largely ignorant of Europe’s past, save for the more recent bits where America has stepped in to save the day (or firebomb the shit out of a city full of innocent people).
This was why a lot of the castles and churches of Dresden held little interest for me beyond “That is a huge and pretty building.” I made a point of going to see them, because these sorts of things are the reason one travels in Europe, but they didn’t have as huge an emotional impact on me as they would on a homegrown German because these buildings were built for monarchs who I knew virtually nothing about. It’s like if I started watching Lost right at the end of the series – I’d be totally confused, but everyone who was really devoted and had watched all of it would know exactly what was going on.
Well, wait – maybe that’s the worst possible example.
Regardless, my inexperience with German history led me to one of Dresden’s tourist attractions that is straight up futuristic: Volkswagen’s Transparent Factory.
I read about this first in a guidebook and later on Wikipedia, and the gist of it is that Volkswagen wanted to show the world their commitment to eco friendly design and high quality craftsmanship, so they built a factory in the center of Dresden made mostly out of glass, so that people walking by could look in and see that everything was being made properly.
Suggestions to rebuild the US Capitol building out of glass for this same purpose were considered, but then shelved when everyone realized that they’d much rather just get their sex scandal news from Drudge Report instead of seeing it firsthand.
I rest my case.
The Transparent Factory is a downright beautiful building. It’s all open spaces and stainless steel and hardwood floors...
...and I’m pretty sure it’s the only car factory to have a full service bar only thirty feet away from an automobile assembly line.
When, in the course of my two Euro English language guided tour, they took us onto a catwalk overlooking the assembly area, everything was quiet, clean, and restrained. My impression had been that building a car required loud noises, industrial smells, and near constant profanity, as all of those (particularly the third) seem to be a constant in the process of repairing a car.
Then, the tour guide hit us with the truth bomb – none of the really gritty industrial work gets done at this plant. All the shitty jobs that people wouldn’t want to look at, like the construction of the engine and the welding of the frame, gets done at Volkswagen’s more conventional Nontransparent Factory outside of town, and the parts are then brought to the Transparent Factory by tram to be assembled where everyone can see them.
This begs the question of why Volkswagen doesn’t just build the entire car in one place, because hauling truckloads of car parts across town is not cheap or easy (trust me, I’d know). During the course of the tour, the reason that became pretty clear was that the Transparent Factory is less of a factory and more of a glorified showroom. They produce just 35 cars a day, and only Volkswagen Phaetons at that – Volkswagen’s most expensive luxury sedan.
The Transparent Factory is the automotive industry’s equivalent of a miniskirt – Volkswagen is just showing off their best qualities, so to speak. However, the miniskirt still hides the ugly mole on Volkswagen’s ass, that being the factory outside town that produces the more unsightly WORST METAPHOR EVER.
Before the tour, I had gone up to a set of windows looking in on the assembly line and was about to take a picture when one of the receptionists ran up and stopped me, explaining that photography of the assembly line was strictly forbidden.
I found this confusing, because I thought that Volkswagen had built a glass factory to show the world that they didn’t care if people saw how their cars were built. If I were a bigger asshole, I would’ve pointed out to the receptionist that American automakers have a similar photography policy, which is why they build concrete factories surrounded by barbed wire, and never in the center of a major metropolitan area.
People who build cars in glass factories shouldn’t throw stones at guys with cameras. Just like girls wearing miniskirts shouldn’t get pissed when guys try to take pictures of their STILL THE WORST METAPHOR EVER.
Truman Capps will be back tomorrow with tales of his harrowing trip to socialist Denmark, where car drives you, but you still have to pay the 200% tax on the car.
I’ve always enjoyed American history because it’s basically a super long, incredibly violent movie that was filmed in my own backyard. I recognize a lot of the big stars from their other appearances, namely on money. Before big disasters like the Great Depression, you can even chide America for being naïve and stupid, just like the half naked girl in any given horror movie.
“No! Don’t go in there! At least turn on the lights! Okay, you know what? You deserve 25% unemployment, you stupid bitch.”
European history, on the other hand, is like watching a Japanese horror movie – it’s way more violent and involves a fair amount of incest. For that reason, along with the fact that I opted to be a library aide senior year instead of taking AP European History, I’m largely ignorant of Europe’s past, save for the more recent bits where America has stepped in to save the day (or firebomb the shit out of a city full of innocent people).
This was why a lot of the castles and churches of Dresden held little interest for me beyond “That is a huge and pretty building.” I made a point of going to see them, because these sorts of things are the reason one travels in Europe, but they didn’t have as huge an emotional impact on me as they would on a homegrown German because these buildings were built for monarchs who I knew virtually nothing about. It’s like if I started watching Lost right at the end of the series – I’d be totally confused, but everyone who was really devoted and had watched all of it would know exactly what was going on.
Well, wait – maybe that’s the worst possible example.
Regardless, my inexperience with German history led me to one of Dresden’s tourist attractions that is straight up futuristic: Volkswagen’s Transparent Factory.
I read about this first in a guidebook and later on Wikipedia, and the gist of it is that Volkswagen wanted to show the world their commitment to eco friendly design and high quality craftsmanship, so they built a factory in the center of Dresden made mostly out of glass, so that people walking by could look in and see that everything was being made properly.
Suggestions to rebuild the US Capitol building out of glass for this same purpose were considered, but then shelved when everyone realized that they’d much rather just get their sex scandal news from Drudge Report instead of seeing it firsthand.
I rest my case.
The Transparent Factory is a downright beautiful building. It’s all open spaces and stainless steel and hardwood floors...
...and I’m pretty sure it’s the only car factory to have a full service bar only thirty feet away from an automobile assembly line.
When, in the course of my two Euro English language guided tour, they took us onto a catwalk overlooking the assembly area, everything was quiet, clean, and restrained. My impression had been that building a car required loud noises, industrial smells, and near constant profanity, as all of those (particularly the third) seem to be a constant in the process of repairing a car.
Then, the tour guide hit us with the truth bomb – none of the really gritty industrial work gets done at this plant. All the shitty jobs that people wouldn’t want to look at, like the construction of the engine and the welding of the frame, gets done at Volkswagen’s more conventional Nontransparent Factory outside of town, and the parts are then brought to the Transparent Factory by tram to be assembled where everyone can see them.
This begs the question of why Volkswagen doesn’t just build the entire car in one place, because hauling truckloads of car parts across town is not cheap or easy (trust me, I’d know). During the course of the tour, the reason that became pretty clear was that the Transparent Factory is less of a factory and more of a glorified showroom. They produce just 35 cars a day, and only Volkswagen Phaetons at that – Volkswagen’s most expensive luxury sedan.
The Transparent Factory is the automotive industry’s equivalent of a miniskirt – Volkswagen is just showing off their best qualities, so to speak. However, the miniskirt still hides the ugly mole on Volkswagen’s ass, that being the factory outside town that produces the more unsightly WORST METAPHOR EVER.
Before the tour, I had gone up to a set of windows looking in on the assembly line and was about to take a picture when one of the receptionists ran up and stopped me, explaining that photography of the assembly line was strictly forbidden.
I found this confusing, because I thought that Volkswagen had built a glass factory to show the world that they didn’t care if people saw how their cars were built. If I were a bigger asshole, I would’ve pointed out to the receptionist that American automakers have a similar photography policy, which is why they build concrete factories surrounded by barbed wire, and never in the center of a major metropolitan area.
People who build cars in glass factories shouldn’t throw stones at guys with cameras. Just like girls wearing miniskirts shouldn’t get pissed when guys try to take pictures of their STILL THE WORST METAPHOR EVER.
Truman Capps will be back tomorrow with tales of his harrowing trip to socialist Denmark, where car drives you, but you still have to pay the 200% tax on the car.