London Mayor Question Time
Thanks to their cute accents, many of you may be under the impression that the English are really friendly, polite, proper people. This is not the case. They have every ability to be mean and nasty, and in many regards they’re better at it than Americans – usually when drunk or during a political debate (both at the same time would be an interesting occurrence, for multiple reasons).
Have you ever noticed how the English seem to outright revile Tony Blair when really the worst thing he did was support the War in Iraq? I’ve always had some trouble understanding their contempt, because from where I was sitting during the Blair years he seemed like a really friendly, polite, proper sort of guy thanks to his cute accent. Sure, following America into Iraq probably wasn’t such a bright idea, but when you put him next to George W. Bush, who pulled us into that war on a tractor made of and powered by bullshit while simultaneously giving Osama Bin Laden a chance to escape,* he doesn’t look all that bad.
*See also: Hurricane Katrina, USA PATRIOT Act, No Child Left Behind, Valerie Plame, Halliburton, extensive deregulation of the financial industry paving the way for economic disaster.
Part of this is because as an American high schooler I wasn’t keeping abreast of the various English domestic policies that probably affected his standing with the people. The other reason, as I discovered today, is that politics in England works about like this:
1) Congratulations! You’re Queen Elizabeth II. Basically everyone in England has nothing but blind love for you.
2) You’re an ordinary English person seeking political power – you run for office (or, as they say here, stand for office – lazy bastards), get elected, and spend the rest of your term being shit on by your constituents, your opponents, your allies, and basically whoever else is in the area and in a poo-flinging mood.
Today my group went to London City Hall to watch the London Mayor’s Question Time, a public event that sounds sort of like a children’s puppet-oriented television show, but isn’t. For one thing, puppets tend to be a lot more mature than the various members of London’s city council, known as the London Assembly.
The 25 members of the Assembly, representing political parties for various districts across greater London, all sit at a U shaped table, while the Mayor of London, Jack Brazil, sits at a single desk at the center of the U while they all slander the bejeezus out of him and each other.
Question time works like this: Members of the Assembly submit their questions ahead of time to the Mayor, who then answers them during the public event, at which point the Assembly member who posed each specific question is free to ask follow-up questions, which pretty much amounts to jumping on the table and waggling his dick at the mayor of the largest city in the United Kingdom (in a strictly verbal sense).
This is a direct excerpt from today’s proceedings, following a question from a Labour Party Assembly member about what England’s new coalition government means for the city of London:
Mayor Johnson: “The only risk I can really think of is the risk that the coalition government should give way to another disastrous labor government.” (Guffaws from Johnson’s supporters.)
Assembly member: “I’m sort of grateful for your answer but it would’ve been nice if you’d tried to answer more substantively.”
Mayor Johnson: “I’m sorry – I thought your question was one of your jocular questions intending to get a rise out of me.”
Assembly member: “None of my questions are jocular.”
This is just an excerpt – imagine this sort of thing almost nonstop for two hours, with the Assembly Chair uselessly scolding Assembly members for speaking out of turn and frequently stopping proceedings to ask other members of the Assembly to turn off their microphones when they whispered to each other.
The most unity I saw out of the group was when everyone joined together in laughter and open scorn for a particularly environmentally conscious member of the Assembly who posed a question about a proposed ‘Meat Free Monday’, wherein the city government would encourage Londoners not to eat meat on Mondays in order to theoretically cut back on the environmental impact of factory farming.
As soon as she said ‘Meat Free Mondays,’ everyone in the chamber groaned and started laughing, and the mayor more or less cut her off, briskly explaining in no uncertain terms that there was no way he was going to try and convince the people of London not to eat meat.
Another member of the Assembly used his follow up question to say, “Well, good to know the Green movement is using their time on the Assembly wisely,” to great laughter. “As I recall, last year they were trying to convince Londoners not to flush the toilet to save water!” More laughter, at which point the poor woman who’d proposed Meat Free Mondays was staring dejectedly at her lap.
“That’s not a question!” The Assembly Chair screeched like a 6th grade math teacher. “The next question on the agenda…”
“You know,” Mayor Johnson said, ignoring the shit out of her. “It was when I first heard about that not flushing the toilet thing that I decided to stand for office.” More laughter and clapping.
“I think the idea was that if you were standing, you weren’t supposed to flush.” The Assembly member said, in what was arguably the most eloquent pee joke to ever grace London municipal politics.
The United States Congress is far from refined or polite, but at least when they say stuff that’s virulently racist, homophobic, religiously intolerant, untrue, or generally hateful, they have the good graces to do it with a smile on their face.*
*Even if it’s because they just got a squeezer from a page.
During the Mayor’s question time, it’s nonstop rage for two hours. No wonder 28 Days Later happened in London.
Truman Capps thinks you should look up squeezer on Urban Dictionary if you’re not clear about what it is.
Have you ever noticed how the English seem to outright revile Tony Blair when really the worst thing he did was support the War in Iraq? I’ve always had some trouble understanding their contempt, because from where I was sitting during the Blair years he seemed like a really friendly, polite, proper sort of guy thanks to his cute accent. Sure, following America into Iraq probably wasn’t such a bright idea, but when you put him next to George W. Bush, who pulled us into that war on a tractor made of and powered by bullshit while simultaneously giving Osama Bin Laden a chance to escape,* he doesn’t look all that bad.
*See also: Hurricane Katrina, USA PATRIOT Act, No Child Left Behind, Valerie Plame, Halliburton, extensive deregulation of the financial industry paving the way for economic disaster.
Part of this is because as an American high schooler I wasn’t keeping abreast of the various English domestic policies that probably affected his standing with the people. The other reason, as I discovered today, is that politics in England works about like this:
1) Congratulations! You’re Queen Elizabeth II. Basically everyone in England has nothing but blind love for you.
2) You’re an ordinary English person seeking political power – you run for office (or, as they say here, stand for office – lazy bastards), get elected, and spend the rest of your term being shit on by your constituents, your opponents, your allies, and basically whoever else is in the area and in a poo-flinging mood.
Today my group went to London City Hall to watch the London Mayor’s Question Time, a public event that sounds sort of like a children’s puppet-oriented television show, but isn’t. For one thing, puppets tend to be a lot more mature than the various members of London’s city council, known as the London Assembly.
The 25 members of the Assembly, representing political parties for various districts across greater London, all sit at a U shaped table, while the Mayor of London, Jack Brazil, sits at a single desk at the center of the U while they all slander the bejeezus out of him and each other.
Actually, his name is Boris Johnson, but seriously. It’s like the Mayor of London lives a secret life as a 20 year old American college student whose favorite things are Pabst Blue Ribbon and all bands ever.
Question time works like this: Members of the Assembly submit their questions ahead of time to the Mayor, who then answers them during the public event, at which point the Assembly member who posed each specific question is free to ask follow-up questions, which pretty much amounts to jumping on the table and waggling his dick at the mayor of the largest city in the United Kingdom (in a strictly verbal sense).
This is a direct excerpt from today’s proceedings, following a question from a Labour Party Assembly member about what England’s new coalition government means for the city of London:
Mayor Johnson: “The only risk I can really think of is the risk that the coalition government should give way to another disastrous labor government.” (Guffaws from Johnson’s supporters.)
Assembly member: “I’m sort of grateful for your answer but it would’ve been nice if you’d tried to answer more substantively.”
Mayor Johnson: “I’m sorry – I thought your question was one of your jocular questions intending to get a rise out of me.”
Assembly member: “None of my questions are jocular.”
This is just an excerpt – imagine this sort of thing almost nonstop for two hours, with the Assembly Chair uselessly scolding Assembly members for speaking out of turn and frequently stopping proceedings to ask other members of the Assembly to turn off their microphones when they whispered to each other.
The most unity I saw out of the group was when everyone joined together in laughter and open scorn for a particularly environmentally conscious member of the Assembly who posed a question about a proposed ‘Meat Free Monday’, wherein the city government would encourage Londoners not to eat meat on Mondays in order to theoretically cut back on the environmental impact of factory farming.
As soon as she said ‘Meat Free Mondays,’ everyone in the chamber groaned and started laughing, and the mayor more or less cut her off, briskly explaining in no uncertain terms that there was no way he was going to try and convince the people of London not to eat meat.
Another member of the Assembly used his follow up question to say, “Well, good to know the Green movement is using their time on the Assembly wisely,” to great laughter. “As I recall, last year they were trying to convince Londoners not to flush the toilet to save water!” More laughter, at which point the poor woman who’d proposed Meat Free Mondays was staring dejectedly at her lap.
“That’s not a question!” The Assembly Chair screeched like a 6th grade math teacher. “The next question on the agenda…”
“You know,” Mayor Johnson said, ignoring the shit out of her. “It was when I first heard about that not flushing the toilet thing that I decided to stand for office.” More laughter and clapping.
“I think the idea was that if you were standing, you weren’t supposed to flush.” The Assembly member said, in what was arguably the most eloquent pee joke to ever grace London municipal politics.
The United States Congress is far from refined or polite, but at least when they say stuff that’s virulently racist, homophobic, religiously intolerant, untrue, or generally hateful, they have the good graces to do it with a smile on their face.*
*Even if it’s because they just got a squeezer from a page.
During the Mayor’s question time, it’s nonstop rage for two hours. No wonder 28 Days Later happened in London.
Truman Capps thinks you should look up squeezer on Urban Dictionary if you’re not clear about what it is.