More Observations

In certain parts of Utah, this is considered pornography.

Get It Togetha, Baby!

As usual, I’ve got a problem with advertising. Have you seen the new Applebee’s commercials? They feature a sassy that goads people by way of snappy and acerbic banter to eat at Applebee’s (home of “Tha Flavas dat bring people togetha!”). So what does this say? Are we saying that now we’re letting fruit tell us what to do? More importantly, we’re letting one kind of food tell us to eat another kind of food. I don’t think that’s really an objective assessment, do you? Next it’ll be a no-nonsense urban cow telling you to eat celery, or Hispanic celery telling you that tofu is where it’s at.

Bee Movie Would Have Been A Much Better Movie If They Didn’t Hype It So Much

I saw Bee Movie this weekend, and it was incredibly okay. I mean, there were some really funny bits, and then there were a lot of bits that weren’t funny, and the story really went crazy towards the end, and I’m not sure what message they were trying to convey, and what sort of relationship did he have with Renee Zellwegger, anyway? I mean, were they an item or not? If so, how can a human have a relationship with a bee? If not, what the hell were all those gooey looks he was giving her? They weren’t platonic, I’ll tell you that! Point being, this movie was getting hyperplugged steadily a good six months before it came out (I sat through a lot of ”Bee Movie TV Juniors” in order to get my The Office fix), and then when it did come out there was such a firestorm of promotional hooha that it pretty much obscured the reviews saying that Bee Movie wasn’t all that great. If, on the other hand, they hadn’t promoted it as much and released it quietly, it would’ve gotten solid B+ reviews and be hailed as a movie that was “Rough in places, but still an underrated gem!” That said, they wouldn’t have made very much money, but that’s not what the film industry is about anyway.

It’s Tough To Find A Manly Shampoo These Days

…and trust me, I would know. There are literally hundreds of women’s shampoos available, and maybe one kind of men’s shampoo (Head and Shoulders), which it just so happens that women can use too without anybody batting an eyelash. Have you ever been in the shampoo section in the supermarket? You practically choke on the smell of lilac and aloe. There’s a whole multicolored rack filled with colorful, odd shaped shampoos, and then hidden in the corner there’s maybe one dusty bottle of Head and Shoulders, and it probably has ‘ANTI DANDRUFF – BECAUSE THE GUY BUYING THIS HAS DANDRUFF – DON’T HAVE SEX WITH HIM’ written all over it in big red letters. But as men, we can’t go the other way – if a guy uses Herbal Essences, everybody looks at him like he’s weird. But maybe that’s just because, unlike women, men don’t need shampoo to have an orgasm in the shower.

Truman Capps is pretty sure that Head and Shoulders, as a counterpoint to Herbal Essences, causes impotence, but he doesn't want to say why he thinks that.