Hair Guy: Behind The Follicles (Part 2)
In part two, Truman's friends, associates, and collaborators talk about the dark side of Internet celebrity - as well as redemption.
Mike Whitman
Friend, collaborator
“Look, I love the kid,
but he’s the reason we had to scrap season 2 of ‘Writers.’ We were shooting on
location in Singapore and most mornings it took four amaretto sours just to get
him out of his trailer. I tried to get him to cool it but he said he had it
under control – he called the stuff his ‘Blog Juice.’
“Two months into
production, some idiot handed him a Harvey Wallbanger, and next thing we know
he’s disappeared on some kind of bender. In three weeks I think he drank pretty
much all the coconut rum in mainland Europe. At that point we were so far over
budget that the company shitcanned the whole show and sold the rights to Chuck
Lorre. And that’s where ‘Mike and Molly’ came from.”
LAPD Report
Arresting officers:
Gadbury and Winston
“Light blue Subaru
Legacy pulled over at 1500 hrs for driving erratically. Driver identified
himself as ‘Truman fucking Capps’, failed field sobriety test, and refused
breathalyzer. Search of car turned up nine empty bottles of Mike’s Hard
Lemonade.
“En route to station
for booking, Mr. Capps repeatedly informed officers that his ‘blog’ had
received ‘over one hundred and forty’ hits last year, and that he would use
said blog to launch a smear campaign against the department unless he was
released immediately.
“Mr. Capps wrote one
blog in custody, which dealt primarily with the quality of NBC’s fall lineup
for that year. He was subsequently involved in a jailyard altercation with
another inmate (Fernando Torres, awaiting trial on gang-related charges)
stemming from a dispute over the quality of the TV program ‘Whitney.’”
Kristin VanderSchick
BFF
“We finally found him
on the boardwalk at Venice Beach, brown bagging a bottle of birthday cake
flavored vodka and offering to write personalized blogs about tourists for $10
a pop. He was actually pretty open to the idea of rehab once we told him the
clinic had broadband Internet and no cockroaches.
“Of course, in the
blog he wrote about going to rehab he said it was his decision. At
least, I think that’s what he said; it was one of the serious ones and I
honestly don’t think anybody reads those.”
Aaron Sorkin
Writer, The West Wing, Studio 60 On The Sunset
Strip, The Newsroom
“Truman. Yes. I
remember him. We both started at Betty Ford in the same month. During one of
our first group sessions he said he hit rock bottom while “…trying to steal a
vodka cranberry from a grandmother at an Indian casino.
“I started talking to him afterwards to set his terminology straight before he embarrassed himself like that again. Like most Americans he didn’t understand that the term ‘Indian’ is not only factually incorrect but also an insult to a once proud civilization decimated in a slow four-century holocaust so we could build strip malls and suburbs. The only reason we call Native Americans ‘Indians’ is because Christopher Columbus was carrying a passport that said ab partes Indie. You know what that means? ‘Toward the Indies.’ When he hit Antilles, he just assumed that was India and started calling everybody he saw an Indian. It was one innocent mistake by the son of a middle class weaver exploring the secrets of an unknown world. What I don’t get is why we have to keep making that same mistake over and over again. Half a millennium later it’s not an innocent mistake anymore. ‘Indian.’ It’s an offensive and insidious form of oppression that’s codified in our laws, our institutions, and our consciousness – Manifest Destiny 2.0.
“I started talking to him afterwards to set his terminology straight before he embarrassed himself like that again. Like most Americans he didn’t understand that the term ‘Indian’ is not only factually incorrect but also an insult to a once proud civilization decimated in a slow four-century holocaust so we could build strip malls and suburbs. The only reason we call Native Americans ‘Indians’ is because Christopher Columbus was carrying a passport that said ab partes Indie. You know what that means? ‘Toward the Indies.’ When he hit Antilles, he just assumed that was India and started calling everybody he saw an Indian. It was one innocent mistake by the son of a middle class weaver exploring the secrets of an unknown world. What I don’t get is why we have to keep making that same mistake over and over again. Half a millennium later it’s not an innocent mistake anymore. ‘Indian.’ It’s an offensive and insidious form of oppression that’s codified in our laws, our institutions, and our consciousness – Manifest Destiny 2.0.
“But yeah, that was
the only time we talked. You said he had a blog?”
Niko Popovic
Owner, MegaFast Dry Cleaning
4633 Commercial St, Salem,
OR
“In Old Country, we have a saying: Show me
man who makes no mistakes, I show you chicken penis. Is a good saying back
home; difficult to translate to English. But point is true: All people make
mistakes. All people deserve second chance. Forgiveness. Shot at redemption.
“Were boxes of drycleaning bags stacked in
front of emergency exit door? Yes. Was mistake. Fire marshal sees the boxes, he
is not pleased, he gives us fine. We pay fine, learn from mistake, think matter
is settled. Until months later, receive letter from Mr. David at insurance company
– says his son saw the violation, and now we pay higher premiums. Mr. David was
very proud of his son Mr. Truman.
“I am not fan of Mr. Truman. 18 years later,
I do not forget. He does not forgive me, I do not forgive him. He is real
chicken penis.”
Alexander Jasper
Main bro
“The day I picked him up from rehab, he was all about
change. Changing his life, changing his image, changing his blog. He was just so
excited, you know? 100% committed to one thing and one thing only: Writing
long-form biweekly essays about current events or things that recently happened
to him. It was that passion for mildly amusing anecdotes that saved his life.
No doubt.
“There’s not much I can say about everything that came
after that. The year in Jamaica, getting his Associate in Commercial
Underwriting, converting to Islam, his writing camp for disadvantaged upper
middle class white kids from the inner suburbs… That all got covered pretty
heavily on the news. I’m not crazy about all the changes, but hey – it’s his
life, and it’s his blog.
“All I’m saying is, I’m never going to get used to
calling it ‘Hair Lion’.”
Alison Brie
Actress, Community,
Mad Men
“Who?”
Truman Capps returns from San Andreas on Wednesday.